Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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