Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
