shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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