i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
