I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
