he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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