I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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