dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
