i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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