i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
