ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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