Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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