I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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