I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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