Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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