Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize