so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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