I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
