just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
