my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
