wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
