he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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