i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
