If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
try to milk me bitch
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