If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Boobs speak an international language.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
