if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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