Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
