Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
