are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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