I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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