I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize