They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
