You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need moral support for this bender
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
