don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
