stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
