kristin has been a bad kristin
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
