No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
