He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
