No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
