quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
