searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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