Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i dont even know how to be here
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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