would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
