if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
