You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
