You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We left the knife in your bed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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