question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
