if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
