I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
