But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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