He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
