The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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