just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
