is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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