totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
