who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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