dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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