theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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