JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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