you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
