dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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