So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
