im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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