i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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