I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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