I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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