There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
