i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
