i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
