Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
