Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
