i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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