dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
