I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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